Self-Care through Health, Happiness, and Spirituality

Still working on your self care resolutions? Or have you forgotten you made any?

Or maybe you’re like me and let the whole resolution frenzy pass you by. Once I saw the very short shelf life resolutions have, my attitude became: why bother? 

But I never gave up on self care.

Why make self care resolutions?

Rather than jumping to make promises you know you won’t keep, let’s explore the reasons for making self care resolutions. What good is self care, anyway?

Well, a lot of good, actually. Self care is the care only you can give yourself; if you don’t do it, it won’t get done. And we know what happens to things we don’t take care of…

Rather than being a drudge, self care makes you more fun to be, doesn’t it?

When you take care of yourself, you feel better. When you feel better, you function better. You’re more creative, less reactive. And not only are you your better self, self care also makes you a better family member, a better friend, a better partner, co-worker, citizen.

Self care is your social responsibility. And self care is part of your every day.

You already have a number of self care resolutions in place. Brushing your teeth, for example. Not flossing–too big a stretch for some of us–just brushing, a simple act of self care you practice at least twice a day and wouldn’t dream of skipping.

Why do you brush your teeth? Likely for both the immediate payoff–your mouth tastes better–and the long term benefit–keeping your pearly whites as long as possible.

Let’s not stop at brushing your teeth. What other self care do you practice routinely, and why? What would it take to expand that circle of care?

Turning self care resolutions into self care habits

Your most valuable self care is not an occasional extravagance; it’s lifestyle, small things you practice every day.

Self care has to be practiced consistently. No matter how many times you brush your teeth today, you still need to brush them tomorrow. And the day after.

You know one yoga class won’t cure your aching back. A single meditation might relieve the headache you have now, but it won’t keep you from  getting another one eventually.

How do you go from making a self care resolution to building a self care habit? Start with something you enjoy, and don’t go whole hog. Try under-doing it.

Want a meditation habit? Don’t start with hour sessions.

Start by sitting up in bed for five minutes before you jump into your day. Five minutes is short enough to be doable, and long enough to start your day from a more settled space. You can start by listening to this.

From self care resolution to self care revolution

In this culture, a commitment to self care is so bold, it’s revolutionary. But it’s a sweet, gradual, peaceful revolution.

If you want to be happier and healthier, to live your life with a sense of well-being, make one small act of self care today. Pay attention as you take care of yourself. Notice the details of how you feel. Then stay with that feeling a moment longer.

Don’t expect an overnight turnaround. Savor the experience rather than judging the results. Be willing to build your happiness and health the time-tested old-fashioned way, step-by-step, choice-by-choice.

Pay attention to your routine acts of self care. Enjoy being right there with yourself.

Paying attention heightens the benefit. And helps you notice that when you feel better, you function better and you make better choices–choices that keep you feeling better and functioning better.

Self care is an act of slow, relentless revolution. Let’s start the revolution now, or rather, soon. First pause to list your personal reasons, the reasons you’ll return to for inspiration to sustain your revolution.

What’s your why?

I practice daily self care because I enjoy my life and I want to still be fun when I’m 101.

I’m more than half way there, and as the years accumulate, I’ve noticed in some ways, age makes it easier to be fun. And in other ways, age makes it harder. Daily self care makes the harder ways easier.

Now it’s your turn. Please share your personal self care reasons, the ones that really motivate you, the ones you can remember in the moment when you need support.

You can find those reasons anywhere in your life. You might even find them in your family, perhaps your (grand)kids–those you have or those you hope to have.

Please share your most motivating reason in a comment below. Who knows, your reason might inspire someone else to find theirs!

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After you share your comment, here are some gifts and tips to make your self care easier:

Even listening to a guided meditation provides a few minutes of effective self care. Here’s a free breath meditation from my Meditate CD.

Keeping healthy, compassionate boundaries is good for you and everyone around you. Learn tips on my free Blessed Boundaries intro. Register here to participate live or by replay.

Reiki is by far the easiest, most accessible self care practice. Basic Reiki self care is easy to learn, but you need to choose carefully as there are no standards for Reiki training or education. Click here for the information you need to make a meaningful Reiki connection.

How many times have you put down the phone and wished you’d said, “No?” Or walked away from a conversation feeling resentful, like you’d just given away the store.

It happens so fast, and then it’s really hard to take back.

When someone around you is angry, do you pick up their agitation and carry it with you?

When a friend needs support, do you listen and comfort, or do you feel the need to fix?

Imagine the difference it would make if you could stay steady, if you didn’t get intimidated or sucked into people’s emotional states, if you could graciously hold your own when someone puts the pressure on, provokes a confrontation, or is emotional.

Those Boundary Moments are where the rubber hits the road, where we make choices that support us, or sink us. Our skill with boundaries — or lack of it — affects every part of our lives.

I know you can do better. And it’s really not so hard. At least not once you find the right help.

Can you really learn boundaries?

If you were more skillful with boundaries, you would feel more in control of your time, and your life. How does that sound?

For years, I’ve taught a transformational boundary class, Spiritual Self Protection, here in New York City, including at the NY Open Center (and one winter in San Juan!). Attendees have been astounded by the results. Even I was astounded by the results.

And I was moved by the need.

People around the world asked to be included. “Is there a recording?” they’d say. But the class wasn’t an event we could record. I wanted to help —  I truly did — but how?

I’m a recovering perfectionist, and it took a bit of time to develop an online format I felt good about, one that I knew would really work for you. Not hours of videos you buy and never watch, but an interactive format that accommodates itself to what your days and nights are really like, and brings transformation home to you. I mean literally in your own home, on your own schedule.

And finally, I’ve done it, and it’s road-tested. For the past year, I’ve led online programs that have been life-changing for many. Now I’m using that format to offer a boundaries program.

Your new best friend

In BETTER BOUNDARIES, you’ll learn heart-writing, a simple practice I’ve developed and can’t wait to share.

Heart-writing offers you a gentle yet profound path to knowing and loving yourself more fully, so you naturally develop clear, compassionate boundaries. And the best news is that it’s easy to learn, and easy to practice, even with a busy schedule.

Please join me for this transformative program. BETTER BOUNDARIES starts Friday, January 26.

What do you practice?

Not the obvious — sitting for meditation, getting on your yoga mat, or placing hands for self Reiki (to mention my favorites).

What is your hidden practice, your mind’s default, what your mind does when you aren’t telling it what to do (as in most of the time)?

Every mind has a practice, a habit it defaults to. Your mind is no different.

What does your mind practice when left on its own?

Does your mind practice gratitude or self-love? Or does it practice some variation of self-doubt or self-criticism?

Transforming your default

A conscious daily practice — one you choose and continue choosing each day — changes your mind’s default so when the going gets tough — as it does at times — your mind supports you instead of digging you in deeper.

Is there a practice you enjoy but practice sporadically?

Can you restructure your practice — and your expectations — so you actually practice every day? What amount of time could you commit to comfortably? Twenty minutes? Ten? Five? Two? One?

Consistent practice is possible

Even a minute of practice consistently each day is enough to transform your life.

It’s easiest to be consistent if you choose a time of your day to practice — as you arise or go to bed, before you eat, etc. You might need some support to start that habit, but soon you’ll enjoy your daily respite so much that you’ll look forward to it, and rely on its support.

Yes, the effort you can make is enough to transform your life. As long as you keep making it. That’s when it becomes a practice.

Time to choose

Choose a practice you feel excited about. Now is a good time. Otherwise, it becomes one more thing you have to do.

If you don’t have a practice, here’s one anyone can do: breathe.

Breathing is the easiest practice because your body already practices it. All you need to do is pay attention to a few breaths. Pay attention, as in enjoying a few breaths. Not changing your breath, but rather keeping the company of your breath.

If you already have a consistent daily practice, would you like to refresh it? Here’s an idea: as you start your practice each day, think of one thing you are grateful for. It can be a very small thing. There will be days when a tiny bit of gratitude is huge.

The real secret

The secret to continuing practice is motivation. If you practice defensively — because you want to change or be better or stop talking so much or whatever — you will run out of steam.

But if you practice from gratitude and self-love — simply because you are grateful to be, and this is the person you get to be now — your gratitude and self-love will continually refresh your practice. And your practice will continually refresh you.

Why not love yourself now? If you don’t love yourself, who will?

Then let your enthusiasm to take good care of yourself — for your own sake and the sake of those you love and those you don’t even know — carry you forward through this Year of Practice.

Supporting one another

Please tell us what practice you choose in a comment below. Then let’s support one another by sharing our #yearofpractice generously, inviting others to join us.

What goodness might we manifest in the world this year with our daily practice?