Love Your Ego

Love Your Ego

Everyone wants to love and be loved.

Your ego is no different. But the ego has a harder time finding love because it’s confused about what love is and where love comes from.

From its first whiff of love, the ego assumes love comes from outside. The ego sets off looking for more, and fears losing the love it has. So to the ego, love is deeply intertwined with fear.

That fear thing makes it hard for the ego to release deeply into love, and easy for ego to come up with lots of reasons why it — and you — are  unlovable and will be rejected once truly seen. And thus self-loathing is born.

Sound familiar?

Not just for fairy tales

You know the part in the fairy tale when kissing the frog reveals him as the prince he’s always been?

What if your ego were like that prince (or princess)?

What if you dared to love your ego, just as it is? Yes, it takes great courage, but if you dare to truly love your ego with full awareness of all the reasons you now despise or deny it, you’ve essentially kissed the frog, and you know what happens then.  You experience your own glorious essence playing as yourself — ego and all.

Transforming your relationship to ego

Try it. The next time you notice self revulsion rising, don’t distract yourself. Instead, relax into its presence.

But instead of diving into the feeling, stay present as the witness, the one who is experiencing the feeling.

When you feel the desire to love and be loved that gives rise to self-revulsion (which is the assumption that you are not lovable), settle into that desire to love and be loved, to be good, to be valued, to be whole.

Allow your desire for love to permeate your awareness and, in the depths of that longing, you’ll come to know that you are not simply loved, but love itself.

Why not give it a try? After all, what have you got to lose? Not love, and not your ego, just your confusion about them.

Pamela Miles shares 50 years of experience with holistic health and spiritual practice.


  1. Barb says:


    I loved this. How often do we (and I include myself here) judge not only ourselves but others for their egoic reactions??

    This article as all of your articles made me stop and think long and hard. Instead of trying to shove my ego out of the way, bury it under positive emotions or pretend it isn’t there, I should embrace it. It will be exciting to see where this new method of thinking takes me on this amazing journey!!!


  2. Arianna Ottochian says:

    I do agree with this ! We have to observe how our ego behaves and reacts and take good care of it
    by listening to it and by giving it importance, only in this way we can give the opportunity to our ego

  3. Kathy Madison says:

    I’ve always wondered about why one would disdain the ego — it is a valuable part of oneself!! It does a superb job of organizing, establishing necesary boundaries, and serving as an executive function without which one’s communication can seem vague, ‘spacey’ and even at times incoherent. Not to mention that the best intentions are only intentions without execution. Accepting and loving and integrating the ego is a major spiritual practice, in my opinion!


    My perception about ego – Its like highly combustible fuel, needs just a spark to turn into a flare. We need to control and confine it to utilize for productive purpose. To control ego, to dose the passion we need lot of reasoning from within. Ego can be used both for productive and destructive purposes. It will be good for the society if we can channelize our ego for the good purposes. A decade ago I used to get driven by my ego. But Reiki taught me the skill of controlling it. Now I can transform even my disgust, my anger into love. love and affection has more power to win something than any other weapon in the world.

  5. My by-words are to keep a “kindly awareness” of my stuff, whatever it is. In other words, that observation you speak of and, crucially, an absence of judgement. It is what it is, I am what I am, you are what you are. And we all have our reasons for being what we are. So, a “kindly awareness” – owning my stuff and seeing what happens next, with an intention to move towards the light but forgiving the dark. Trusting myself and trusting Reiki – and being grateful for all.

  6. The ego has the Divine and the human sides. I have found that by Reiki self-treating ,keeping in mind and practicing Mikao Usui’s 5 Reiki tenets is extremely helpful. I acknowledge the human side of my ego , redirect intention and thoughts , practicing to connect to the Divine learning to love myself , others, and finding my purpose in serving and working for the good of all. The Universal energy of Reiki is a wonderful gift connecting us to and with each other.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *