How many times have you put down the phone and wished you’d said, “No?” Or walked away from a conversation feeling resentful, like you’d just given away the store.

It happens so fast, and then it’s really hard to take back.

When someone around you is angry, do you pick up their agitation and carry it with you?

When a friend needs support, do you listen and comfort, or do you feel the need to fix?

Imagine the difference it would make if you could stay steady, if you didn’t get intimidated or sucked into people’s emotional states, if you could graciously hold your own when someone puts the pressure on, provokes a confrontation, or is emotional.

Those Boundary Moments are where the rubber hits the road, where we make choices that support us, or sink us. Our skill with boundaries — or lack of it — affects every part of our lives.

I know you can do better. And it’s really not so hard. At least not once you find the right help.

Can you really learn boundaries?

If you were more skillful with boundaries, you would feel more in control of your time, and your life. How does that sound?

For years, I’ve taught a transformational boundary class, Spiritual Self Protection, here in New York City, including at the NY Open Center (and one winter in San Juan!). Attendees have been astounded by the results. Even I was astounded by the results.

And I was moved by the need.

People around the world asked to be included. “Is there a recording?” they’d say. But the class wasn’t an event we could record. I wanted to help —  I truly did — but how?

I’m a recovering perfectionist, and it took a bit of time to develop an online format I felt good about, one that I knew would really work for you. Not hours of videos you buy and never watch, but an interactive format that accommodates itself to what your days and nights are really like, and brings transformation home to you. I mean literally in your own home, on your own schedule.

And finally, I’ve done it, and it’s road-tested. For the past year, I’ve led online programs that have been life-changing for many. Now I’m using that format to offer a boundaries program.

Your new best friend

In BETTER BOUNDARIES, you’ll learn heart-writing, a simple practice I’ve developed and can’t wait to share.

Heart-writing offers you a gentle yet profound path to knowing and loving yourself more fully, so you naturally develop clear, compassionate boundaries. And the best news is that it’s easy to learn, and easy to practice, even with a busy schedule.

Please join me for this transformative program. BETTER BOUNDARIES starts Friday, January 26.

What do you practice?

Not the obvious — sitting for meditation, getting on your yoga mat, or placing hands for self Reiki (to mention my favorites).

What is your hidden practice, your mind’s default, what your mind does when you aren’t telling it what to do (as in most of the time)?

Every mind has a practice, a habit it defaults to. Your mind is no different.

What does your mind practice when left on its own?

Does your mind practice gratitude or self-love? Or does it practice some variation of self-doubt or self-criticism?

Transforming your default

A conscious daily practice — one you choose and continue choosing each day — changes your mind’s default so when the going gets tough — as it does at times — your mind supports you instead of digging you in deeper.

Is there a practice you enjoy but practice sporadically?

Can you restructure your practice — and your expectations — so you actually practice every day? What amount of time could you commit to comfortably? Twenty minutes? Ten? Five? Two? One?

Consistent practice is possible

Even a minute of practice consistently each day is enough to transform your life.

It’s easiest to be consistent if you choose a time of your day to practice — as you arise or go to bed, before you eat, etc. You might need some support to start that habit, but soon you’ll enjoy your daily respite so much that you’ll look forward to it, and rely on its support.

Yes, the effort you can make is enough to transform your life. As long as you keep making it. That’s when it becomes a practice.

Time to choose

Choose a practice you feel excited about. Now is a good time. Otherwise, it becomes one more thing you have to do.

If you don’t have a practice, here’s one anyone can do: breathe.

Breathing is the easiest practice because your body already practices it. All you need to do is pay attention to a few breaths. Pay attention, as in enjoying a few breaths. Not changing your breath, but rather keeping the company of your breath.

If you already have a consistent daily practice, would you like to refresh it? Here’s an idea: as you start your practice each day, think of one thing you are grateful for. It can be a very small thing. There will be days when a tiny bit of gratitude is huge.

The real secret

The secret to continuing practice is motivation. If you practice defensively — because you want to change or be better or stop talking so much or whatever — you will run out of steam.

But if you practice from gratitude and self-love — simply because you are grateful to be, and this is the person you get to be now — your gratitude and self-love will continually refresh your practice. And your practice will continually refresh you.

Why not love yourself now? If you don’t love yourself, who will?

Then let your enthusiasm to take good care of yourself — for your own sake and the sake of those you love and those you don’t even know — carry you forward through this Year of Practice.

Supporting one another

Please tell us what practice you choose in a comment below. Then let’s support one another by sharing our #yearofpractice generously, inviting others to join us.

What goodness might we manifest in the world this year with our daily practice?