Pamela Miles

Reality Is a Dance

Creativity, Lifestyle

As we exited a (to me delightful) dance event with Damian Woetzel and Lil Buck at the Guggenheim, a man behind us commented, “A lot of that was boring, and some I didn’t understand.”

His remark made me grin as I puzzled over how he distinguished between what was boring, and what he didn’t understand.

And I loved the candor of his comment, especially given the sophisticated venue.Reality Dance of Creation

When we don’t understand, it’s easy to self-consciously retreat rather than risk looking stupid. (When we’re bored, we’ve already stopped looking.)

But the man behind us didn’t take the easy way out. He expressed himself.

Maybe it was too late for him to enjoy the performance; he could still intrepidly engage.

And help a stranger see that reality is a dance in which the audience moves.

 

A Dose of Farmer

Lifestyle, Nourishment, Self-care

End of summer slows Manhattan’s relentless pace.

Greenmarkets overflowing with produce grace the sidewalks of my neighborhood four days a week. Other days, I venture beyond walking distance just to stroll past the stalls, oogle the veggies, and hang out with the farmers.

Here in the concrete jumble, my family eats the same food the farmers’ families eat. Some of these farmers have been feeding my family for a quarter century.

I love that.

These small farms are not certified organic; that’s an expense only agribusiness can manage. These farmers are heart and soul wholesome, people who choose life close to the earth.

Market conversation adds its own pleasure. Jeff and I commiserate over lost artichokes, then he brings my attention to papalo, his words dripping with care, enthusiasm and humor.

Franca remembers we like romano beans and throws an extra handful into the bag. Pam alerts me the crème fraîche is nearly gone.

A mom notices my voice in the crowd and grabs my arm from behind. We hug and fill in the years. Our kids have grown but somehow we look the same.

Food, hugs and conversation intertwine in a nourishing trifecta.

For a few days, I too slow down to enjoy life’s harvest, pondering nothing more momentous than whether the Yankees can slide into another post season.

Does it make a sound? Does it weigh a pound?

Lifestyle, Nourishment

A popular query asks: If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound?

Here’s the chronic dieter’s version: If no one sees me eat it, have I really eaten it?

The temptation is not so much in the food we eat, but in the tendency to look away. Even when no one else is looking, we see ourselves eat, and we are who matters most.

Ayurvedic wisdom for a contemporary dilemma

Ayurveda, the ancient system of health and healing indigenous to India, poses a relevant question: If you don’t pay attention to what you eat, why would your body?

According to Ayurveda, since illness starts with indigestion, it makes sense to do what we can to optimize our digestion.

Digestion starts with awareness. If you don’t pay attention, your body doesn’t pay attention, and if your body doesn’t pay attention, it doesn’t digest food effectively.

You know what happens to food you forget to store properly; it rots. The same thing happens to food your body doesn’t digest. Undigested food lingers as toxic waste in your system, impeding the natural functions of the body, waiting for the perfect opportunity to get in the way of your health and happiness.

You could easily change that.

A timeless way to enjoy your food

Next time you are about to put something in your mouth, pause a moment to notice your state, what you’re thinking and how you feel. Pause a moment longer to notice the food. Start enjoying it — and digesting it — with your eyes and your nose, before it enters your mouth.

Once you’ve engaged your attention, you’ll likely savor your food, and actually chew it, making it easier to digest, and more satisfying.

We are nourished not only by what we eat, but by our own attention.

Mindfulness. Awareness. Be. Here. Nowness.

Love Your Ego

Favorites, Practice

Everyone wants to love and be loved.

Your ego is no different. But the ego has a harder time finding love because it’s confused about what love is and where love comes from.

From its first whiff of love, the ego assumes love comes from outside. The ego sets off looking for more, and fears losing the love it has. So to the ego, love is deeply intertwined with fear.

That fear thing makes it hard for the ego to release deeply into love, and easy for ego to come up with lots of reasons why it — and you — are  unlovable and will be rejected once truly seen. And thus self-loathing is born.

Sound familiar?

Not just for fairy tales

You know the part in the fairy tale when kissing the frog reveals him as the prince he’s always been?

What if your ego were like that prince (or princess)?

What if you dared to love your ego, just as it is? Yes, it takes great courage, but if you dare to truly love your ego with full awareness of all the reasons you now despise or deny it, you’ve essentially kissed the frog, and you know what happens then.  You experience your own glorious essence playing as yourself — ego and all.

Transforming your relationship to ego

Try it. The next time you notice self revulsion rising, don’t distract yourself. Instead, relax into its presence.

But instead of diving into the feeling, stay present as the witness, the one who is experiencing the feeling.

When you feel the desire to love and be loved that gives rise to self-revulsion (which is the assumption that you are not lovable), settle into that desire to love and be loved, to be good, to be valued, to be whole.

Allow your desire for love to permeate your awareness and, in the depths of that longing, you’ll come to know that you are not simply loved, but love itself.

Why not give it a try? After all, what have you got to lose? Not love, and not your ego, just your confusion about them.

Is Intention Enough?

Practice

People often say, it’s the intention that counts.

Yes, intention counts, but no, it’s not enough.

If you intend to practice but don’t actually practice, what have you gained? (Feeling guilty? Not a gain.)

We need to follow through, to put intention into action.

No matter how strong your intention is, one thing is true:

Thinking about practicing (yoga, Reiki, meditation, qigong, etc.) is not practicing.

Only practicing is practicing.

Who’s in Charge of You?

Creativity, Practice, Self-care

“Hello-o,” I sang into the phone.

“Uh, umm, hmm…who is this? Is this the person in charge?” the caller asked, perhaps flummoxed to reach a human breathing rather than a recording.

“I’m Pamela,” I said, “and yes, I am in charge of Pamela.”

We laughed.

Putting yourself in charge

That simple truth was funny at the time, but it’s no joke.

Daily spiritual practice puts you in charge of yourself. Any spiritual practice will do. Practicing consistently — every day — makes the difference.

Consistent spiritual practice opens the moment so you can see the choices you can make right now. You know, those choices, the ones that make it more likely what you want will actually come to pass.

Those choices are how we co-create our lives, how we build our happiness and health. When we don’t make those choices, we default to whatever is already in motion, whether we’re aware of it, or not.

Response-ability

No, we’re not in charge of the universe. I for one am grateful for that.

Being in charge of myself is a good fit, something I can actually do. It’s inspiring, empowering and enlivening, a responsibility I can live up to.

Optimistically speaking

Healing

As we started her treatment, I asked a client what improvements she had noticed in the weeks since we met.

She listed a few things, small improvements, things only someone long confined by pain could appreciate.

She fell silent for a while, then added, “I’m more optimistic.” The quiet triumph in her voice made me smile.

Optimism matters

In this world of the bottom line, optimism takes courage. It seems safer not to risk disappointment by imagining improvement.

But optimism is motivating. It’s much easier to make the effort it takes to heal when we start to realize — or even imagine — our efforts make a difference. Optimism is not certainty, but it leaves the door open for positive change.

Optimism is not a blithe “everything is going to be ok.”

Optimism is a willingness to relax into the possibility that, at least right now, this moment, all is good.

Right now, right this moment, all is good.